conspiracy theory number two
Jan. 11th, 2004 02:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theladyroseSomeday I'll write up my Pierce Brosnan conspiracy theory (I'm in the middle of working out some of the details at the moment), but for now I'll introduce my latest one. Well, not that having 2 conspiracy theories was that many in the first place. But whatever.
So I was trying to wash the dishes today and my dad had gotten a new pair of gloves because before we only had four left-handed gloves and one right-handed one that was slowly disintegrating. The previous kind had been medium sized ones and were kind of big but worked well enough. This time my dad got the small kind since the people who actually use gloves to wash the dishes all have small hands. Well, my mother's hands are the same size as my father's. But whatever. I tend to use the gloves more than anyone else now so I can use boiling hot water to make sure all of the dishes are really clean.
You know that the gloves have to be really small if I have problems putting them on. My hands are tiny. Most fourth graders have hands bigger than mine (believe me, I've done many comparisons. They've nearly snapped my wrist a couple times by accident). I have yet to find someone the same height as I whose wrist is smaller than mine. I can stick all of my fingers except for the pinky around it, and my fingers are short and stubby already. I spent about five minutes trying to put them on and seven minutes wrestling them off. But of course after you wash the dishes the gloves are all slippery and wet and slimy, making it even more infinitely difficult to take off.
What adult could actually put those gloves on if they weren't a midget? Seriously. A 15 year old girl with exceptionally small hands had a lot of difficulty; my mother, who thought that I was exaggerating the difficulty and now believes me, couldn't get them past her knuckles. The only people who could actually wear those gloves are children, and young ones at that. But normally you don't trust really young children to do the dishes because they might break them and they get easily distracted. Therefore someone probably has to force them to wash the dishes. And once you've finally gotten them to wash the dishes properly and stay focused at the job at hand, then they're probably forced to wash many dishes, like if they work in a restaurant. Aha! Child labor! Unpaid minors are being forced to wash who knows how many dishes simply because they have small delicate hands and not much intelligence. The rubber-dishwashing-glove industry recognizes this practice and secretly supports it (for who else will buy all of the small sized gloves?) by continuing to make small sized gloves at insanely cheap prices. My dad only got the small gloves in the first place because they were cheaper than the medium sized ones and because I have small hands.
So boycott the purchase and wearing small rubber dishwashing gloves unless you want to support child labor. A brilliant, absolutely implausible theory, ne?
But of course you believe me, because you've all been brainwashed by the Pierce Brosnan fans. More on that later when I actually figure out all of the details of the Pierce Brosnan conspiracy theory, like I mentioned earlier.
So I was trying to wash the dishes today and my dad had gotten a new pair of gloves because before we only had four left-handed gloves and one right-handed one that was slowly disintegrating. The previous kind had been medium sized ones and were kind of big but worked well enough. This time my dad got the small kind since the people who actually use gloves to wash the dishes all have small hands. Well, my mother's hands are the same size as my father's. But whatever. I tend to use the gloves more than anyone else now so I can use boiling hot water to make sure all of the dishes are really clean.
You know that the gloves have to be really small if I have problems putting them on. My hands are tiny. Most fourth graders have hands bigger than mine (believe me, I've done many comparisons. They've nearly snapped my wrist a couple times by accident). I have yet to find someone the same height as I whose wrist is smaller than mine. I can stick all of my fingers except for the pinky around it, and my fingers are short and stubby already. I spent about five minutes trying to put them on and seven minutes wrestling them off. But of course after you wash the dishes the gloves are all slippery and wet and slimy, making it even more infinitely difficult to take off.
What adult could actually put those gloves on if they weren't a midget? Seriously. A 15 year old girl with exceptionally small hands had a lot of difficulty; my mother, who thought that I was exaggerating the difficulty and now believes me, couldn't get them past her knuckles. The only people who could actually wear those gloves are children, and young ones at that. But normally you don't trust really young children to do the dishes because they might break them and they get easily distracted. Therefore someone probably has to force them to wash the dishes. And once you've finally gotten them to wash the dishes properly and stay focused at the job at hand, then they're probably forced to wash many dishes, like if they work in a restaurant. Aha! Child labor! Unpaid minors are being forced to wash who knows how many dishes simply because they have small delicate hands and not much intelligence. The rubber-dishwashing-glove industry recognizes this practice and secretly supports it (for who else will buy all of the small sized gloves?) by continuing to make small sized gloves at insanely cheap prices. My dad only got the small gloves in the first place because they were cheaper than the medium sized ones and because I have small hands.
So boycott the purchase and wearing small rubber dishwashing gloves unless you want to support child labor. A brilliant, absolutely implausible theory, ne?
But of course you believe me, because you've all been brainwashed by the Pierce Brosnan fans. More on that later when I actually figure out all of the details of the Pierce Brosnan conspiracy theory, like I mentioned earlier.
i was right(tis wandering @fod)
Date: 2004-01-11 11:13 pm (UTC)Re: i was right(tis wandering @fod)
Date: 2004-01-12 04:28 am (UTC)And of course you're a genius. A psychic genius at that.
With dishwashing gloves, I just find it easier to sterilize the dishes while washing them. I'm mildly germophobic, so there you go.
Gutter-cleaning sounds interesting. I don't think that my family's bothered to clean out the gutters for several years now. You'd probably fall and die anyway because my house is very weird and there are random holes in our roof.