don't drink and derive; know your limits

[theladyrose]

If you look at my record, I'm incredibly boring.

Believe it or not, I've drunk half a shot of vodka in my entire time at USC. My record was five glasses of wine on a full stomach this past summer over the course of an evening, and if you look at any photos from that night in Florence you'll see that I don't experience the "Asian glow" or act plastered. I've never been drunk and never intend to. I don't consume coffee except for those two iced granita caffés at that place right by the Pantheon in Rome this past summer. I don't smoke or sniff or shoot up or pop pills; I take no prescription medications. Believe it or not, I actually prefer to avoid anesthesia when possible during dental procedures; besides which, my dentist is a Bruin and I don't trust him with injecting me with painkillers. I'm kidding about that latter part, although we needle each other endlessly about the crosstown rivalry during my dental cleanings. I've been avoiding meat for nearly four years now, although unfortunately I don't have the willpower to cut out seafood or dairy.

Because of these habits, people tend to mistakenly assume that I'm really conservative and super religious. Nothing could be further than the truth, though I'm not one of those new age "I refuse to consume anything that ruins the sanctity of the temple that is my body" people. I like refined sugar and french fries too much to ever give those up completely!

I've been a secular humanist for many years now, though I respect and admire the religious beliefs of those I know; I don't have the courage, at least at this stage in my life, to make that leap of faith. At the same time, I don't judge people who take drugs as immoral. I do believe that medical marijuana should be legalized and find "just say no" education to be ridiculous, even if it happened to work for me. My general philosophy is that as long as you're not endangering your own health or those around you, then I respect your choices. I get frustrated, though, when people force others to bear the burden of what's their responsibility.

Blasting music so loudly that the people next door can't get to sleep at 1 AM on a Thursday - believe it or not, that's a problem because *some* of us actually have to get to work/class early in the morning. Projectile puking on someone's floor - that's a problem. Stealing your roommate's pills and pretending that you didn't - that's a problem. Landing yourself in the hospital where you need your stomach pumped and worrying the shit out of your family and friends - that's a problem. Slapping your girlfriend because you get violent when drunk or forgetting to pick your kid up from school because you're that sloshed at 3 in the afternoon - that's a problem. If you get to the point when you inconvenience those around you, you need to change your habits.

I don't doubt that consuming certain substances in certain amounts can have beneficial effects. There are some compounds in a glass of red wine that seem to do good things for your health, although there are probably more beneficial things you could be doing for your health that don't involve drinking a glass a day - exercise, anyone? Drugs play a role in certain religious ceremonies in bringing about a transcendental state of consciousness; I can respect that people would take them in those circumstances. There's no way, though, that you could ever get me to try them; there are plenty of other ways of expanding my world view, thanks. The "it's OK for others but not for me" mentality smacks of self-righteousness and elitism, but I have legitimate reasons.

My problem is that I have a sense of what the worst case scenario looks like and frankly never want to put anyone else in a situation where they're forced to take care of me. I hate waiting around in hospitals not knowing what the outcome will be and can only hope that no one I know will find herself in the same agony waiting for me. It's more than that, though. When you evaluate therapy tapes involving alcoholics, heroin and crack addicts, you get a sobering taste of the ripple effect of damage from addiction can effect on multiple lives, even entire communities, in several generations. No behavior exists in a vacuum - you may own responsibility for an action, but you can't always control the effects of what you do on others. The potential for uncontrolled destruction is far too high - I don't trust myself to stop at the critical point (it took me three years to beat a pathological addiction to Spider Solitaire in high school), so it's best to never reach the point where I have risky cravings in the first place. I don't miss out on drinking or trying pot or smoking because I've never been interested; it's as deceptively simple as that.

The truth is, my aversion to alcohol has more to do with an unrepressable association with abuse. I don't know if I'll ever be able to overcome my ambivalence towards the alcoholic in my life - and no, that alcoholic is not one of my parents. I derive my strength to resist from my inability to completely forgive that person because that would legitimize the pain that was inflicted in someone I love. So be it.

Comments

[darklightluna.livejournal.com]

Can I just generally agree with a huge chunk of that?

Blasting music so loudly that the people next door can't get to sleep at 1 AM on a Thursday - believe it or not, that's a problem because *some* of us actually have to get to work/class early in the morning.

Especially this bit. I was in hysterics at two am on Friday because I had a midterm in eight hours and my neighbors were having a party.

And yeah, I have never smoked, done drugs, or anything else like that. I do drink once a week. I pretty much physically can't get drunk and I don't get people who drink for fun.

[theladyrose.livejournal.com]

Especially this bit. I was in hysterics at two am on Friday because I had a midterm in eight hours and my neighbors were having a party.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I can empathize with your frustration - there are so many people at 'SC who don't recognize that some of us actually study and have jobs that require us to be functional early the next day. I know that they're not being purposely malicious ("Hey, let's piss off the nerds next door!"), but ignorance and inconsideration aren't excuses. Although I've definitely been loud and probably kept up my roommate when she wanted to sleep, so I'm not excused by any means.

Drinking to black out particularly scares me. I can see why someone would drink to feel more sociable, but purposely abusing your liver and then not remembering what happens - if you're so troubled that you want to forget whatever shit's going on in your life, you really need help.

[dragonfly66.livejournal.com]

I'm happy and proud that you're such a healthy person : )

The pride is probably unnecessary, but there it is. You shouldn't have some sort of complex over drinking/not drinking; it's a pity that the college environment is such that it forces you to do so.

I also can't have anesthesia, which made getting all four of my (impacted!) wisdom teeth out last winter a very special experience.

[theladyrose.livejournal.com]

Oh God - I am sorry that you had to have experienced such a painful extraction of wisdom teeth. It hurts just imagining the situation. Is there some condition you have that makes you resistant/unable to have anesthesia, if you don't mind my asking? And I still can't believe you had an ulcer in your eye!

I don't go around going "TEETOTALER PRIDE, yo!" although I do find it frustrating when there's this default assumption that all college students drink, and that the ones who don't are socially deficient or religious nutters. In the LA area, too, it can be more extreme. It helps that quite a few of my USC friends don't generally drink although it can be a little tiresome when you're the designated "make sure I don't do anything I'd regret the next morning" person. I've sometimes wondered if I had gone to a different college if my experience with and views on alcohol would be different.

[dragonfly66.livejournal.com]

I think I'm probably able to have anesthesia, I'm just finicky about it--my body is weird and last time they tried to put me under in a dentist's office I reacted pretty badly. I imagine that if I had to have surgery and had access to an actual anesthesiologist I'd be fine--come to think of it, I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that it's difficult for me to get drunk O_o. My body just will not be overcome! Viking genes, perhaps?

Also, sorry you're the default sober sister, that's gotta suck :(

[theladyrose.livejournal.com]

It's important to make future anesthesiologists aware of your reactions to painkillers. Maybe you have a high threshold; my mother does, too.

I'm too tired to actually go to parties these days, so I find myself hanging out with just my friends who don't drink these days. It works out :)

[eyepiece-simile.livejournal.com]

I half agree with you.

I full-heartedly agree with you in the sense that behavior doesn't exist in a vacuum. It bothers me too when people think that their actions don't affect others. Also, I think that saying drugs and alcohol are "OK for others, but not for me" is not pretentious, but actually much less elitist than people who think that their views are the best and thus ought to be imposed on others. You stray into pretentiousness and elitism if you think it's "OK for others" but still hold yourself in higher regard because you don't. I agree that as long as drugs and alcohol are used responsibly, it's a personal decision that should be left to the individual. Also, I think it's perfectly and totally reasonable to choose not to use alcohol/drugs because you feel that you have an addictive personality and don't trust yourself not to abuse them. Knowing your personal limits is key in everything in life, and it's always better to err on the side of caution, especially when it comes to things like these.

Where I take issue with this entry with is when it comes to medical usage. I think that saying you don't take prescription medication or use anesthesia as evidence of your clean living is not fair. Those things are more evidence of the fact that you've had no major health problems than your choice not to use recreational drugs. Not using drugs when medically necessary can also negatively affect those who care about you--watching someone you love suffer is a terrible, terrible experience as you well know. Letting loved ones to watch you in agony when there's medication that could easily stop it is simply not fair either, and I think this side of the pain pill debate is often ignored.

Sorry for the novel, by the way :p

[theladyrose.livejournal.com]

Don't apologize - I found what you wrote fascinating as always. And you're disgustingly eloquent for an engineer :P

I see your point about the medical use of drugs and didn't mean to sound like those who take prescription drugs aren't "superior" in some way healthwise. I was trying to address the issue of prescription drug abuse, ex. buying ADHD meds when you don't have that condition so that you can pull an all nighter for a test you should've studied for earlier. There are many, many more issues when people don't take necessary prescriptions (though interaction effects can be pretty awful if you're not careful), and you probably know that medical noncompliance statistics are staggering.

I tend to veer to the overly cautious side re: pain medication after my neighbor was arrested for armed robbery trying to get more Vicodin from several local pharmacies. Intellectually I understand that his case is extreme and is more of a reflection of the failure of the government to provide for the medical and mental health needs of veterans, but it's something that's scared me deeply. I'm sure my views would be quite different if I had a condition where I experienced chronic pain and I had significant difficulty functioning without any sort of relief.

[laleia.livejournal.com]

I disagree -- I think that elitism and self-righteousness is usually marked by holding oneself to a lower moral code than everyone else. "It's okay for me to do it because I have the higher mental faculties to make this choice, but not for anyone else because they are not equipped to do this."

Also, you have totally not been avoiding meat for the past four years -- chicken and potstickers, anyone?

Also, whether or not you need to start changing your habits when they inconvenience other people is actually also a matter of personal philosophy -- consider for example the person who attempts to please everyone and bends over backwards to accommodate those around him/her. Obviously, the examples you present are more extreme, but even so -- should I prevent myself from snoring because it keeps you, a sensitive sleeper, up at night and you have class/work in the morning? I think this example is comparable to the first one of the ones you listed ...

[laleia.livejournal.com]

P.S. Skype date soon?

[theladyrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reminding me that I am a bad non-meat eater. Unfortunately I can't resist dim sum, and when I was stealing from you at study nights last spring I actually got a fried ball of batter, which doesn't count (OK, the intention does, but I rationalize it as just one piece because I was having a craving for something fried at the time). So I guess it would be more accurate to call myself flexitarian, which is something of a cop-out.

You bring up a good point about how people-pleasing can be problematic on the other extreme; how much you should change is a matter of degree. Unfortunately I have a tendency to think of extreme situations as an excuse not to do things (clinical psychology has brainwashed me). Although for the specific example you gave, you could always give your roommate earplugs or try those nose pad things that supposedly open up your nasal passages so that you don't snore.

When's a good time for you to Skype?

[laleia.livejournal.com]

The roommate situation is sort of hypothetical -- it happened to a friend of mine who started buying strips that cost essentially $2/night (which adds up) to reduce her snoring, and I thought that was ridiculous. At what point does it become the other roommate's problem for being such a light sleeper? Never?

Also, Wednesday and Thursday mornings here (Tuesday nights and Wednesday nights where you are) work for me currently, as well as this weekend I suppose ...

[theladyrose.livejournal.com]

It depends on the degree of snoring - if the snorer has sleep apnea, then it's a serious health problem that's not just the roommate being a whiny light sleeper. I'd try the earplugs for the other roommate first, though; they're pretty cheap.

This weekend would be good - any particular time?

[malbal55.livejournal.com]

so, i havent even logged on and read anyone's lj in a while...

i think you have some kind of superpower (say i, eating a cheeseburger and drinking coffee while procrastinating on studying because i don't believe in classes that start before 1:15 pm)

really, it's interesting though, the different ways in which people get things out of college.