theladyrose: (Default)
2008-02-14 11:57 pm
Entry tags:

if equal affection cannot be

To be honest, Valentine's Day never really meant much to me. I've never had anything against it, but neither have I seen it as fairytale romance on crack. Calling February 14 Singles Awareness Day strikes me as rather silly.

Maybe I'm just terribly idealistic and having always been single at this time of year has skewed my perception of this day as much less passionate than the media and the marketers portray. In a weird way, I've always treated Valentine's Day as a sort of second Christmas where you give friends and family something small, preferably edible, as a token of your platonic affection for them. Spreading love doesn't have to be romantic. All of my roommates looked pleasantly flabbergasted when I gave them wrapped bundles of candy; unfortunately, I forgot to send my parents V-day cards, so I'm brining them a bouquet of chocolate roses tomorrow. I baked two dozen chocolate cookies and anonymously put them by the doorstep of a crush.

Call me childish, but that's what Valentine's Day is to me: simple and sweet (literally). If something actually develops with the guy I'm interested in, that's great; if it doesn't, nothing's changed and I haven't lost anything in the process. At least I can tell myself that I tried something.

A number of my single college friends have proclaimed themselves virulently anti-Valentine; the ones who don't have midterms tomorrow are out commiserating their single status with Jack Daniels and probably venting about why guys are clueless assholes. I decided to stay in and catch up on reading so that I have more time to spend with my parents and friends this weekend when I'm home. Being angry about Valentine's Day doesn't do you any good; vilify romance all you want, but you still can't deny how much romantic aspirations control what you want and how you feel. We're all human and do stupid, awful things to each other; much as I love those friends (and really, I do), we're partially to blame for our relationship woes as well, especially in hyping up our expectations of what a romantic partner should be and then blaming a potential love interest for not being the ideal. Treat others as you wish to be treated, and hopefully some good will come of it. I don't think I'm optimistic enough to believe in karma at the moment, but studies generally show that we end up regretting what we didn't do more than what we did.
theladyrose: (Default)
2008-02-13 11:15 pm
Entry tags:

close encounters of the food kind

I failed my first test ever, the one on the treatment manual I need to know for research, just as my new supervisor predicted. Actually, he's a pretty nice guy; I've probably spoken more to him in the two times we've met than in the two semesters I spent with my old one in the social psych lab. Ironically enough, I performed most poorly on the material that I had actually read (midterm season shouldn't be an excuse, but it is) and did well on the stuff I didn't have time to read. It really helps that I'm taking a family/systems theory class right now, even if it feels like my brain is being saturated with systems and therapeutic literature.

The apartment doesn't smell like burnt filet mignon anymore after leaving the doors open for a day and a half; we discovered firsthand that the smoke detector does work outside of fire drills, which is reassuring.

I've finally had the time to start looking for apartments for next year; it looks like I'll be having 5 roommates, although only 4 are confirmed so we're still looking for the 5th. Although there's a greater likelihood that I'm more likely to become a homicide victim because I have more roommates to piss off, it also means that the rent will be cheaper and that we might be finding a nicer place if we're lucky. I've also come to the conclusion that my mother was wrong to believe that I should consider law school because I think I'm too dumb to figure out the fine print in the renter's leases. If all else fails, we might have to start looking for oversized cardboard boxes, though the options aren't as bad as I had expected.

I did end up getting the passport photos taken at Office Depot 19 blocks away, but it took me a good hour before I could find some place to take them on a Sunday. Serves me right for procrastinating :S Hopefully I'll be finding out today or tomorrow whether or not I'm going to Verona for sure this summer.

I'm back in Norcal for the 4 day weekend (bwahaha, no classes on Friday!) for a belated lunar new year celebration. Mom and I are going to the San Francisco Symphony's Tchaikovsky concert on Saturday. I'm meeting up with a few friends while I'm back, but I'm afraid because I'm in SF for two days time's limited, so if you do want to hang out please call me if we haven't already figured something out.

Oh, before I forget, I'm posting the answers for the unguessed quotes on the movie meme here. I was pleasantly surprised by who guessed what.

Unguessed answers on the movie meme )
theladyrose: (Default)
2008-02-09 04:07 pm
Entry tags:

as one flew out of the cuckoo's nest, another flew in

It's a little sad (maybe more than a little) that the most difficult part left on my study abroad application is finding 3 passport-sized photos. Seriously. I was originally thinking about asking one of my roommates to take it with their digital camera, but it might be easier to go the nearest Kinko's instead.

My head hurts just from thinking about the test on the MST treatment manual I need to know for psych research; my new supervisor warned me that no one's ever passed the first quiz the first time around, although the next couple are easier. It's on Monday, too, and I have two newspaper stories that are crying out to be written and a social psych midterm whose material is begging to be learned.

Stolen from [livejournal.com profile] drewshi:


take the WHAT BAD BOOK ARE YOU test.
and go to mewing.net. not as good as reading a good book, but way better than a bad one.


Snagged from [livejournal.com profile] swashbuckler332 and [livejournal.com profile] lehah:

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.

Movie meme )
theladyrose: (Default)
2008-02-05 12:16 am
Entry tags:

escapades south of angel town

Fellow Americans - if you haven't sent in your absentee ballots, remember to vote tomorrow! Not that you would forget, of course.

LA folks - if you haven't seen the Murakami exhibit over at MOCA yet, I'd highly recommend it. I found it more disturbing than I had expected - pop art on crack meets animé and has a vague acquaintance with Buddhism doesn't do it justice, but hopefully you have some idea. Cute has never been so charmingly disconcerting.

Irene, aka the roommate with the car, and I saw the Diving Bell and the Butterfly Friday night, about Jean-Dominique Bauby, the former French editor of Elle who suffered from a stroke and communicated by blinking his one working eyelid. The whole mood reminds me of a Philip Glass composition - beautifully, subtly melancholy with touches of absurdity at times mordant and sunny. I'm afraid I'm too tired right now to phrase things in ways that actually make sense. For those of you who are Bond fans, it has the new Quantum of Solace villain in it.

In totally unrelated news, according to the course plan that my otherwise uninvolved department advisor just sent to me, I have room for exactly 2 electives for the rest of my undergraduate career. Seriously. Needless to say, those two electives are going to Jon Burlingame's film music and TV music history classes. It's a little (maybe more than a little) embarrassing how much I'm looking forward to taking an actual course from him after catching a few of his composer lectures around campus. Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] laleia, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to take that IR espionage and intelligence class with you.

Also, I think I might be overdosing on reading about psychotherapy - I can't believe I'm actually craving looking at a ABAB behavioral intervention instead of wading through phenomenological case studies. I've somehow managed to read up until spring break, which theoretically frees up my time now to have extracurriculars take over my life. I must admit, I'm jealous of my friends who actually get paid to do research. Apparently market/gerontology/physics research receives greater funding than evaluating psychotherapy for urban, largely low income clients. Ah, the things one does for grad school. The first wave of admitted students come on campus at the end of the month, some of working in admissions indulge in the sadistic pleasure of showing overachieving high school seniors how the cycle of being over-committed doesn't stop once you get into college and realize that you want to go to law/med/grad school. We're not all that evil; it's just fun being (a little) scary when interviewing them for scholarships.

It looks like I'll be studying abroad in Verona for two months starting late May. I finally have the chance to meet all of my Swiss relatives, aka the entire Chinese population of Lausanne, which should be really awesome. Now if I could only figure out where I could get passport photos to send off my application...
theladyrose: (Default)
2008-02-02 03:50 am
Entry tags:

sources on presidential candidates on the issues

So, the California primary is coming up and I've been following the election nowhere as closely as I should/my sources are kinda ridiculously biased in that they've been committed to particular candidates from the onset. And to be honest, I'm still not sure for whom I'm voting because I don't feel like I've researched everyone's positions well enough yet. (I haven't gotten around to the most recent debate coverage yet, I'm embarrassed to admit.)

Does anyone know of any other good sites covering the candidates' positions on key issues? I know of On the Issues and Glass Booth, which are good for getting a general idea of their platforms but weaker on the specifics from what I can tell. I'm particularly interested in healthcare as I need to research that for my disabilities and the healthcare system class.

Thanks!
theladyrose: (Default)
2008-01-30 02:51 am
Entry tags:

it has to be a world record, or let's suffer for art

I caught frostbite in my feet yesterday because I felt guilty about leaving the kickoff event for APA (Asian Pacific American) heritage month early when so many people had gone already. I couldn't get myself to go because I felt sorry for the performers (the Ken Oak Band and Rhythm Natives, both of which really were a joy to hear) whose crowd was steadily dwindling. Support your starving artists, right?

Serves me right to wear thin shoes and no socks for three hours in the surprisingly wet grass. I wish I had the time between class and the event to go home and change into warmer shoes, but unfortunately I didn't. I don't think I've ever sworn so much in the 8 minute walk (hobble?) back to my apartment. It took me a good 20 minutes before I regained feeling in my feet.

I live in the middle of Los Angeles for Chrissakes. Who in their right minds gets FROSTBITE in JANUARY in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?!

Apparently I do.
theladyrose: (Default)
2008-01-24 01:20 am

and miles to go

I know, I know; I haven't updated in ages, but the Internet connection is finally working in my apartment again, and I'm catching up on Livejournal. I've snagged this interesting meme from [livejournal.com profile] mvmontgomery and [livejournal.com profile] gandydancer that was developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University.

Privilege meme )

Occasionally I've had doubts about being where I think I should be, but I don't think I'd be as (wannabe) activist if I had gone to, say, a small liberal arts college. The ones I had considered attending are very much the relatively homogeneous bastions of intellectual, well-to-do youth; no offense, [livejournal.com profile] dragonfly66. The class that I facilitated with [livejournal.com profile] laleia, was a seriously eye-opening experience that forced me to reformulate my understanding of privilege. The all-girls school I attended for 7 years gave me a warped view of the cost of everything and the intangible benefits of being among or at least affiliated with the elite. I can honestly say that the majority of my high school friends' parents (and my parents' friends) have gone to grad school at Stanford/an Ivy League/other school of "that" standard; that's not quite the case for my college friends. People in Silicon Valley are educational snobs; Angelinos don't care so much about how you became rich and/or famous.

Honestly, it's uncomfortable being on the upper end of the socioeconomic scale among the people I know in college; USC has a surprising amount of class diversity among the student population for a private university especially because it has such extensive outreach to local neighborhood kids, partially for generating good PR and overturning the "University of Spoiled Children" nickname and partially for altruistic motives. (The UC system nowadays tends to attract the upper middle class, particularly at UCLA, Berkeley and even to a certain extent UCSD; poor kids who do get to go to college are channeled into the Cal State system.) As a TA leading discussions this time around for a seminar I took last semester, I felt like I learned so much more listening to various community organizers about their research and direct experience with the issues of access to some of the most fundamental services, particularly education and health care, and the barriers to them, both institutional and attitudinal/behavioral. Heck, just having students who lived in an uncle's garage for several years upon immigrating to America or who are on full need-based scholarships has made me appreciate how much I've been cushioned from reality by my family. I feel awkward advocating my students to Make A Difference considering that really, I haven't done much, if anything, after going through the same learning process they have. You need to know about the development and manifestation of prejudice and the incarnations of discrimination to be a more informed person, but what's the point if you're not doing anything about it? Changing your own attitudes is great but doesn't make much of a difference on the scale of things if you don't then take action on some issue. One of my goals this year is to volunteer more; I'm doing this program called the Joint Educational Project (JEP) for extra credit to alleviate some of my guilt about my hypocrisy. The problem with knowing so many über-involved people is that I always feel like a slacker by comparison, and that I waste my free time on relatively trivial matters that don't save the world in the end. That last statement is facetious, of course, but my conscience doesn't let up on me.

I know that discrimination is VERY much alive and well and keep discovering more and more flaws in the system, but even still I don't think I can honestly say that I personally have been a victim of injustice. There's that ambivalence about advocating for Asian American issues - I know that there are so many members of the APA community, particularly those from Southeast Asia, who have suffered from racism, classism, sexism and heterosexism and so many other -isms; immigration brings its unique set of challenges and traumas. I feel more comfortable focusing more of my energy on mental health issues/disability awareness (disabilities, occupations and the healthcare system has been my favorite class so far) because they affect everyone; at some point in time, we all gone into some kind of decline, and if we don't acknowledge the problems now we're pretty much screwing over ourselves and those we care about not so far down the line. Maybe I've taken too many psych classes, but I'm becoming a little hypervigilant about keeping an eye out for mental disorders in people I know, and part of me is prepared to give the awkward "I've been noticing lately..." talk when most often I'm missing a crucial part of the context. It's a variation of the medical student syndrome where suddenly you start spotting constellations of symptoms of various illnesses seemingly everywhere. Unfortunately, I tend to find good reasons for freaking out on friends, but self-confirming biases are also in action.

In the meantime, I need to figure out my new research schedule as I'm transferring into a new lab focusing on clinical psychology. Evaluating multisystemic therapy FTW! It'll be loads of fun trying to fit that in with peer counseling, admissions and film music research (more Elmer Bernstein rejected film scores and wrangling with the cinema archives about photocopying material), but my inner psych geek is really excited. Let's just hope I pass the treatment evaluation tests after training in February.
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-12-12 12:25 am
Entry tags:

the unforgiving 72 hours

Lesson of the week:

Just because it's possible do the research for and write a 16 page paper in two days doesn't mean you should. At the same time, never have I been so thankful about changing topics because there's so much more material on the history of mental illness than on the history of heart transplants. I must admit, I'm really interested in reading that critique of the DSM that [livejournal.com profile] dfordoom recommended because I came across a lot of weird information about how the military was involved in developing the way we officially classify mental illness in the U.S.

I think I set a personal record for myself writing 11.5 pages (double-spaced) two days ago (it's technically past midnight now). I'm almost proud of myself, except that I don't ever want to put myself in a situation where the clock becomes such a potent and forbidding master. Best to know what your limits are, I guess; weirdly enough, most of my reason for delaying work on the paper was because I was writing my two take-home finals, one of which is for this class as well. I seriously thought I'd have to ask for an incomplete and bring shame upon my family for the rest of my days.

Now watch me start studying for my learning and memory final that takes place in less than 8 hours. I'm not even done with the conclusion on my epic paper, but as long as I turn it in before 5 tomorrow I'll be fine.
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-12-05 04:12 am

wisdom is the principal thing, therefore get wisdom; at the cost of all you have, get understanding

I'd like to think that I've pioneered the "procrastinate by doing other work" method because I only really have my history of physiology paper left to do and a really short paper on career development theory. Except for the first time ever (seriously - I think I might've been the only person in AP Euro my year who did ALL of the supplemental reading), I didn't actually do all of the reading for one of my classes just because there's no feasible way of reading three books of Nietzsche, two Decadent novels, C.S. Lewis's Til We Have Faces and all of Freud's Civilization and Its Discontents in a three week time span with two presentations, five papers of varying lengths and five finals, three of which are take home. Strangely enough, I don't feel terribly guilty as I don't know of anyone else, even my roommate, who's had time to do all of the reading, either. I have to admit, the class has really grown on me - the professor is the only one I've come across who doesn't use any notes, can consistently keep everyone's attention and actually address all of the random questions students throw at him without deflecting any. We ended up having an interesting discussion after class on Monday about what the Decadents would have thought of dystopian science fiction. Thanks to the f-list, I was able to not sound like a total airhead. I swear, anything I know about culture has come from Livejournal - I'd never be able to pick up on all of his Firefly and Buffy references otherwise.

For the educators on the f-list: from a student's perspective, take home midterms are only less stressful when you're given the same amount of time to finish the exam that you would've been given if the exam was held in class. If you have to write at least a page-long response for seven questions and you're supposed to cite specific lecture note dates and pages in the reading, then trust me, it's more stressful. Take home exams are generally a bad idea if they follow not long after the deadline of a major paper (page length > 5 pages). Just something to keep in mind next time you devise your syllabi...

I've come to the conclusion that I rely on luck far more than any sane person should to get work done; if my physiology professor hadn't granted everyone an extension until next Wednesday, I'd be sunk. But from a terribly egocentric point of view, much of luck is setting up the likelihood of situations to be in your favor, or learning to predict the probability of certain events and preparing yourself to capitalize on those moments.

On the whole, I've feel like I've learned more than I ever have this semester. Generally all of the classes I've taken have been pretty good, and the ones I'm taking now are no exception, although I'll be really glad to be done with the honors core requirements soon. But just having the opportunities to spend time with peers and learn from them - now that's been the most rewarding. I really cut back on activities last spring just because I was so burnt out from the fall, but the stuff I did and continue to do is rather solitary. Doing research has only deepened my interest in psychology, but as the perpetual observer-scientist you feel distanced from the interactions and behaviors you're supposed to be analyzing. Sure, you gain perspective. And all of the admissions recruiting stuff is a lot of fun (they actually think you know what you're talking about), but the interactions with prospective students are fleeting. That, and you never really know if your individual contributions actually make a difference in helping them figure out where they want to go for college.

What's been the most incredible was being a TA for CIRCLE. Sure, there's the incredibly pretentious satisfaction of being able to tell people, "I basically taught a non-credit seminar called Critical Issues in Race, Class and Leadership Education," but I'm not kidding you when I say I can't believe I got paid to do a job I would've gladly done for free. Even from my brief work experience so far, I think I can safely say the people you work with make or break your job satisfaction, and the APASS office has become my second home on campus. I was so lucky to have a great group of students in my discussion group and Sumi, the head of the department, to be our faculty facilitator, and on the whole my co-TA and I had a good work dynamic. After participating in this program last fall, I've gained a new perspective on how people slowly absorb new views on how institutional barriers relating to race, socioeconomic status, gender and sexual orientation really play out in this country and how cultural factors facilitate our understanding of these issues. Retreat three weekends ago was really intense - I've never seen so many people cry as they began to intellectually and emotionally work out how damaging these prejudices can be. But it was incredibly worthwhile to learn about the experiences of those who've grown up in much more diverse circumstances and who haven't been sheltered as I have their entire lives. Thankfully I didn't run into any situations where I couldn't answer participant's question, although Sumi fielded a lot of the complex academic stuff; I was able to pull a lot of stuff from research and some of my course readings. I really am excited to see what these kids (funny I should call them kids when at least half of them are my age or older and the other half's but a year younger) end up doing and how they take action on these issues.

Each year I tell myself that life can't get any more mind-bogglingly complex and maddening, and each year I'm proven wrong. That's not necessarily a bad thing, although there are times when I think I might literally keel over from exhaustion. Emotionally, I keep being stretched in all directions and have to constantly evaluate whether or not I can actually do what I'm supposed to do. I know I've disappointed a lot of people as I try to figure out what my limits are, but you have to learn to compartamentalize and find a way of separating the emotional from duty so that you can function. In a funny way, though, the most effective way of building up resiliance is when you don't think you have a way out.

Once again I have to figure out what the heck I'm doing next semester and the year after and the year after. My course schedule; the big debate is work vs. research or some combination of both. I'll still be volunteering with admissions and copy-editing writing for a quarterly news magazine (which, really, is less work than it sounds) although I'm really tempted to become a weekly columnist for The Daily Trojan. There's this other part of me that just wants to veg out and get back to finishing all of the scraps of writing littering my desktop, but the only thing I get out of that is personal satisfaction, and I'm afraid it won't be any help when applying to grad school and looking for jobs. I actually had something of a social life this semester, which was a first, and I don't know if I'm willing to give that up although with CIRCLE being over I suspect my opportunities to spend time with a more diverse crowd will greatly diminish. At the same time, I'd like to claim back more time for myself for no particularly noble reason other than to relax and recollect myself. But then I look at everyone around me and think wow, if they can handle everything, then why can't you?

And now for some study break stuff, although I should finish editing this paper due at noon today.

Recommended by [livejournal.com profile] st_crispins: Scorcese paying homage in a Hitchcock parody for a champagne commercial

Seriously, this is the only time where I've watched a commercial more than once and couldn't stop laughing. Unfortunately, I don't spend enough time with the cinema students anymore.

If anyone's curious, the musical cues used from North by Northwest as played by the orchestra are:

Cheers
The Elevator (up to 0:11), briefly interrupted an unidentified bridge passage reusing the fandango fragment, quickly cuts into
The U.N.
The Information Desk (intro played a little slower in the Scorcese film)
Unidentified cue when the lightbulb's broken (the closest I can come up with is "The Balcony," but I think for this orchestral suite it's just a bridge passage)
The Knife (the brief introduction recaptiulation of the fandango prelude when Thornhill's running away from the U.N.), quick transition into the end part of the fandango of The Wild Ride
The Reunion
Finale (roughly the end 0:30-0:46; the orchestral recording for the Scorcese film is the most different from the original score recording as the former is a little more legato on the love theme but draws out the concluding notes a little more slowly)

On another film music-related note, I'm not a member of [livejournal.com profile] doctorwho, but I know someone there was looking for the lyrics for "My Angel Put The Devil In Me" - seeing as Doctor Who is the most popular show on my f-list, I was wondering if someone could pass the link to this entry with my transcription of the lyrics as non-members can't post? Thanks!

My Angel Put The Devil In Me )
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-11-26 12:32 am
Entry tags:

subjective phenomena

Maybe I've been reading too much Freud lately/had my stuffed with Romantic philosophy from the honors classes/brainwashed by my psychology courses, but I increasingly find myself wondering what the heck *is* a nervous breakdown. In 19th and early 20th century literature, there are vague references to "institutions" and "nervous dispositions," although women tended to be the ones described with such afflictions. Even in anti-institutionalist works such as One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, you have such a motley crew of people afflicted with psychological "disorders" that it's hard to think of a definition of mental illness that isn't covered by the politically incorrect blanket statement of "is somehow distressing for others." Health in general requires some socially generated reference point by which we judge our internal state, so in a funny way we can't be healthy or sick without other people. There's probably some massive error of logic I've just committed, but being sick is addling my brains just a wee bit.

How is one able to classify if a person is catatonically unresponsive, as is the case with certain manifestations of schizophrenia (which is, in itself, problematic to classify in all of its varied manifestations)? I know, I know; look it up in the DSM-IV. I'll probably have to buy a copy of that for clinical psych next semester. We diagnose and classify mental illness by the external symptoms of behavior and by self-reports of internal states. But we diagnose and classify mental illness by the external symptoms of behavior and by self-reports of internal states; the whole idea of unresponsiveness as a response just boggles me because of that whole "if a dead man can do it, it's not behavior" rule.

Time for my 10th mug of green tea. I hope there isn't too much caffeine in this stuff, but I'm hoping that my massive insomnia can be put to good use for the last three weeks of the semester as coursework is going to be kicking my ass repeatedly. Whoever thought that take home finals made life less stressful is sorely, sorely mistaken when there's a paper for that same course due not too much earlier...
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-11-22 05:19 pm
Entry tags:

happy thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all those celebrating today!

I haven't been as responsive on LJ lately as I'd like because of coursework/extracurriculars/family/friends/life (I know; can one be vaguer than that?), but I always find myself checking the f-list several times a day just because someone always has something interesting to say or show. Thanks, all of you, just for being here. I've enjoyed reading your debates and musings and reviews and stories and art. I often find myself unable to comment simply because I'm overwhelmed by your talents and perserverance and insight. And how could I forget your zany sense of humor, the YouTube clips and the polls and the pictures and the captions and the caps and the cartoons and the parodies; those never fail to brighten my day, seriously. I feel like I've learned so much just from what you have to write, and I feel privileged to have these glimpses into your lives. Collectively you're some of the most generous, sympathetic, supportive folk I have been lucky enough to know, and I want to thank you for putting up with my angst and self-fixation and general flakiness. I look forward to seeing what else you have to share; you all never cease to amaze me :)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-10-12 01:37 am

circle in a spiral, a wheel within a wheel

This line of Michael Giacchino's (albeit paraphrased) has stuck in my mind ever since the Academy composers talk from last week: "Melancholy doesn't have to be a depressing thing; what affects us most about it is how almost perversely beautiful it can be." I guess it sums up my mindset as of late.

My neighbor's plea hearing is tomorrow, and I know at least one of the DA's to whom I wrote actually read my letter because she had the courtesy to respond. I may be a secular humanist, but I think I might actually be praying tonight (early this morning?). For the more spiritual ones out there, I think his family would really appreciate any prayers and good thoughts you could send his way.

Essentially, aimless ramblings from here on out. )
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-10-04 01:48 pm

fangirl stalking - just kidding, michael giacchino...except maybe not.

If the tickets are sold out for tonight's final panel for the Academy's Music Soundtrack series, I think I really will cry. I wanted to order tickets earlier but didn't because my coordinator for CIRCLE, the class I'm TAing next week, has rescheduled our orientation planning week THREE TIMES. And she lectures us about professionalism...

LA folk, have any of you ever been to the Linwood Dunn theater before? If you have, do you know what the seating capacity is? I'm really worried that the tickets will be sold out by the time I get there tonight; I'm leaving at 6:15 from South Central (USC) for an event that starts at 7 in hope that I can still buy tickets at the door.

Honestly, the only reason why I'm going is because of Michael Giacchino, he of Medal of Honor, Alias, Lost, the Incredibles, Mission: Impossible III and Ratatouille musical fame. You know, pretty much the only living composer I idolize whose life expectancy is predicted beyond the next 30-40 years (with the exception of [livejournal.com profile] madbard, naturally). Out of all of the composers I follow, I know Giacchino's body of work better than anyone else's and have been following his career since he started working on Alias. I have every film soundtrack (as well as the MOH video game ones) that contains his music; if you rummage through my past LJ entries, the and the notes on my hard drive, you'll see my incomplete documentation of how I predicted what would happen next on Alias/how the music aurally illustrated the storyline within each episode. I think I'll keel over happy if I can ask him a question or get his autograph and possibly faint if I can get a photo with him afterwards.

I don't really have the time to do this, but carpe diem, right?
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-09-16 02:13 am
Entry tags:

this violence...is the ravishment that must be done to truth, friendship...and honor (john le carré)

For the past few days I have been staring at my screen, wondering what I can possibly write that will give my neighbor the justice that he deserves for a crime that I in my infinite vanity find myself complicit.

I wish I weren't exaggerating about how many days it's been, but the guilt's been corroding my conscience like battery acid. There's this unconscious echo in my head that if I hadn't handed back his guns that his parents gave to us in safekeeping, Sargent wouldn't have committed armed robbery.

I could rail about about the injustice of receiving two different sentences for the same crime, about the need for rehabilitation rather than incarceration for a PTSD-suffering veteran who risked his life to save others and yet never could receive the treatment he needed for his physical and mental illnesses (and not for lack of effort), the sheer bloody wankishness of "blame the victim" and "liberal media pandering to sob stories," but I'm frankly exhausted from an anger I haven't felt in years.

I'll be honest - if you don't sympathize with this man, I don't want to hear about it. If you want to actually help bring justice to Sargent Binkeley , please read this and check out a sample letter that you can send to the Santa Clara County DA.

I haven't written here in ages; sorry. I've been meaning to respond to comments (I know, I've been saying that for longer than I'd care to admit), but CIRCLE (more info at [livejournal.com profile] circleusc) has been taking up my life. Hope that all's been well with everyone.
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-08-20 10:36 pm
Entry tags:

an allergic reaction, a funeral and a flaming car engine later

I have an apartment to move into this Thursday, research to conduct and TA office hours to schedule. I apologize for sacrificing proper grammar for parallel structure. It looks like living out my vision of myself as a grad student has just been shifted back a few years to a present that's coming a little too quickly.

For the past few days I was in Vancouver for my cousin Venus's very lovely wedding on the beach of Victoria Island. I haven't seen most of my Canadian relatives since my mother had her heart surgery a few years ago, but my cousins and their friends/other cousins are just as wackily entertaining and wonderful as I remember them to be, although it's awkward being the youngest and only person in college. I had a day's layover back home before leaving again. Just yesterday I returned from orientation advisor training, which theoretically qualifies me to indoctrinate freshmen into joining the programs sponsored by APA Student Services  introduce new students to ways they can involve themselves in campus life. Somehow my LA neighborhoods presentation group and I need to fix up our Powerpoint by Sunday as Joyce and I basically had to improvise everything from the photos on her camera and the magic that is Wikipedia. Our group was collectively whacked pretty badly by what I nickname the Great Frying Pan of Doom, i.e. the whims of fate: one person injured herself on vacation in Hawaii and had a horrible allergic reaction to the medication, the second went to her grandfather's funeral and the third was on the way to our training when his car engine mysteriously caught on fire. Aside from these assorted calamities, the training session was quite enjoyable and a nice, temporary reprieve from home, where the water pipe in front of our house just randomly exploded and Dad's stairlift literally fell apart the day I left (they're fixed now, thankfully). Here's to hoping that orientation itself runs more smoothly...

I swear, I'm deducting what I need from my next paycheck to Carbonfund.org as penetance for all of the carbon dioxide emissions from my recent air travel. My mother wants me to quit my current job writing trivia questions, but I'm really torn about sticking with it as I really like the company or possibly adding a third research committment to my schedule. I haven't even started classes, yet I'm feeling behind already with figuring out how to update the CIRCLE (Critical Issues in Race, Class and Leadership Education) curriculum, although I randomly discovered that my dad's ex-roommate is the Rush Limbaugh of the Asian Pacific American community.  I don't even know what else I'm exactly doing outside of classes, which makes scheduling my current committments more difficult - probably some tutoring/mentoring, the career connections program, maybe more admissions volunteering?  I feel like a weak parody of the model minority stereotype I'm supposed to be criticizing, while my fellow TAs (*cough* you know who you are, [personal profile] laleia) are terribly nifty social activist types who actually know what they're doing.  And now I have this random urge to design that "Chairman Mao does not approve of glitter" shirt inspired by the brilliant
[personal profile] azdak to procrastinate against all of the messages piling up in my e-mail.

Really, I can't believe I only have 3 days before I'm really headed back to college.

Anyway, I'm the lucky girl who gets to drive her father to a 6 AM colonoscopy tomorrow, so good night! 
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-08-10 02:01 pm
Entry tags:

why did summer go so quickly

The good thing about having so many family birthdays take place within the same two week period is that you remember to look for gifts all at once; unfortunately, I've been absent from LJ lately after a week in New York and three days in San Francisco and have a lot of catching up to do. Depending on what calendar you look at, my parents have the same birthday - the same as [livejournal.com profile] wiccagirl24, actually. Many happy belated returns to you, Sarah - I am so sorry that my gift is late in coming, but I swear I'll be ready with it soon.

And before I forget - happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] eyepiece_simile! Hopefully you've had a chance to open your card by now :)

My cousin Venus (the only artistic member of my family since the Tang dynasty; sadly, I don't think I'm joking) is getting married this weekend, so I'll be gone until Wednesday. And somehow, magically, I am going to start and finish my LA Chinatown and Westminister presentation...soon. [livejournal.com profile] laleia, do you know if we need to have our presentations done by the SWA retreat? If we do, then it looks like I'll be bringing my laptop on vacation with me.

So, to pretty much sum up this month - I've been gone, I'm going away again for family-related reasons and am playing catch up on pretty much everything. I didn't even realize that there's supposedly some sort of mass exodus from Livejournal going on at the moment as [livejournal.com profile] laleia has recently informed me? I just thought people were busy or on vacation. Be seeing you!
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-07-22 09:35 pm
Entry tags:

on taking advantage of snobbery

I have to confess, I underestimate my cousin Peter - he embodies my vision of Mr. Frat Guy, but he has the street smarts I'll never have. In between his tale of drinking a "das boot" and enjoying Prague's nightlife a little too much on his five week trek through Europe, he pointed out something that had always struck me as interesting.

After you introduce yourself as an American, most Europeans will rip apart America apart as if you personally personify all of its evils. But once you tell them that you're from California or New York, it's as if you've spoken the magic words to join the civilized bastion of Western culture. Actually, I think people from Washington, Oregon and Hawaii tend to be let off the hook as well - the whole Pacific coast, really. If you're not Caucasian, you gain even more credibility, and if at least one of your parents is an immigrant you walk on water. Sure, I tend to be pretty liberal and see a number of things that I'd like to change about the American government and general social attitudes. I did seriously consider going to college in Canada, though not all for political reasons.

I do find it amusing, though, that America so often becomes the scapegoat for Western anxieties. Does the US serve as a case study for many social ills? Yes. But that doesn't mean it's not the only place that could use a serious dose of reform. It does seem to me, though, that the Europeans I've come across tend to be much more interested in discussing these larger issues and have ideas, if not always the most feasible or practical, ways of addressing the problem.
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-07-20 11:44 pm

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you / If all men count with you, but none too much

It's quite possible I'm one of the few people who *isn't* picking up the last Harry Potter book. Ah, the joys of catching a morning flight to New York tomorrow! Family, friends and museums - what more could one ask for? It's a pity I won't be joining my "other" family with the ever amazing [livejournal.com profile] eyepiece_simile in Cape Cod this year, but we can always see about next year.

So, in the mail yesterday I picked up the most peculiar postcard, which featured San Francisco's Palace of Fine Arts (which is roughly an hour's drive away).

"I want to buy your house. I am not an agent. Call me."

Well, you have to give this mysterious sender named Jason props for being to the point.

Today's equally unexpected postcard was of the Kremlin, straight from Moscow. Martina, a high school friend who's also at USC, sent it to me. It's been nice reconnecting with old friends lately - within the past week, Sophia and I checked out the Qwik-E-Mart recreation and walked around Shoreline, and I had lunch with PP (she who teaches choir and intro) yesterday when we ran into the class valedictorian and her mother. This afternoon I met up with Alison, whom I haven't seen since 5th grade though we don't live that far from each other. I hate borrowing clichés, but the two and a half hours we talked made up for those nine years apart. And as weird as it sounds, I actually like the meetings over at my boss's house - there's something surprisingly cozy about the start up environment when you've got three people jammed in a home office trying to figure out what went wrong again when rerecording the newest "how to" site voiceover.

But not all of these encounters have been that pleasant, although the one I'm thinking of is actually imaginary. I had a philosophical sort of nightmare straight out of Sartre's Huis Clos (No Exit) or the Prisoner episode "A, B and C" that involved me at a party in someone's rather bourgeois living room where I was trapped presumably for all eternity as my ex kept hounding me about why we broke up. I've been receiving some awkward messages lately from him; he really is a great guy, but all I want is for him to find someone else who'll really make him happy and appreciate him for who he is. The way things are now, the current extremes of awkwardness makes the prospect of being locked up with Inès or Number 2 an absolute picnic by comparison.

On a not-so-related note, I've been reading this fascinating and equally humorous book by Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness, which focuses on the sources of our regular dissatisfactions than the title would suggest. His commentary about how insistent we are about how unique our perspectives and feelings are, leading us to mistakenly disregard the feelings of others when put in a particular situation as a poor predictor of our own when placed in the same scenario, really struck me. A wise and generous man once told me that I'd come to enjoy John Barry's chamber orchestra album the Beyondness of Things over Eternal Echoes. I found this remark rather strange at the time - considering we came from such different backgrounds, it seemed rather unlikely that we'd eventually come to have the same view. And yet as I've been reorganizing my soundtrack collection to accomodate some newer material and listening to works I haven't heard for some time, I realize how right he was. If the Beyondness of Things is a nostalgic view of life as we'd like to remember it, highlights of breahtaking and sometimes heart-wrenching majesty, Eternal Echoes recognizes the quiet beauty in our everyday lives. It takes a certain degree of maturity to appreciate the more ponderous tonal colors of Eternal Echoes, a deceptively sedate musical retelling of the moments that show us for what we are when we're in our element.

I don't remember what the point of that story was, but I do remember thinking that my own memory problems seemed to corroborate with the points Gilbert was making, which might explain why I'm willing to trust his argument so much.

And last but not least, a totally unrelated LolCat meme )
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-07-12 12:07 pm

eclectic draws from [livejournal.com profile] theladyrose's film music box

As I've been listening to some new soundtracks from the library (which has a surprisingly classy Philip Glass selection; I now have the whole -atsi trilogy!) and inspired by some of [profile] swashbuckler332's recent recs, I'm listing a couple of my favorites as of late from random categories.  If it's possible, I swear I feel some of my reviewer "muscles" atrophied - I have a bunch more half-formed reviews I wanted to write scattered about on paper, on my computer and in my head; I'll get around to them when I can. 

I swear, once I get back to college I *will* track down Jon Burlingame (the Man from UNCLE soundtrack producer) and have lunch with him.  Spring term once I'm done with all of my core requirements, I will turn my entire schedule upside down if necessary so I can take that TV music course of his.


Compilation
: Bernard Herrman Film Scores: From Citizen Kane to Taxi Driver, as conducted by Elmer Bernstein.  I normally dislike compilations as a whole, especially ones that are supposed to reflect a composer’s oeuvre, as they tend to include all of the main pieces you already have anyway or are totally butchered by an inept conductor.  Thankfully legendary composer Bernstein makes sure such an awful fate doesn’t befall Herrmann. The listener is treated to a delightful sampling of Herrmann’s compositions for Hitchcock, with a sprinkle of his best works from the post-Hitchcock era (I love Bernstein’s concert suite of Taxi Driver) as well as Citizen Kane, the masterpiece that was his start in the film industry. The selection of works balance familiar staples (the controlled chaos that is the main title fandango of North by Northwest, the driving title theme and infamous shower sequence from Psycho) with the less well-known (the jaunty but slightly off-kilter title theme from The Wrong Man, the haunting and reflective “Book People” cue from Fahrenheit 451).  This presentation strikes a balance between the contemplative and quietly revealing with sheer emotional intensity.  It helps that most of the pieces are difficult to find – where else will you find a rendition of “the Storm Clouds,” as conducted by Herrmann in The Man Who Knew Too Much remake?  Like Herrmann, Bernstein lends a lyrical expressiveness to the music without making it farcically overwrought while throwing in his unique brand of exuberance for his friend’s work.  My only minor quibble was with Vertigo’s “Scène d’Amour,” which has my favorite build-up out of all recorded versions of this cue, but soon loses steam once Madeleine is “revealed” again.  But on the whole, you can’t go wrong listening to a lovingly presented album of some of film's greatest music.

Runner-up: Festival de Cannes: 60th Anniversary has some of the best selections of late 20th century, hands down.  Most multi-decade “classic film” compilations pander to mainstream Hollywood blockbusters, featuring only a few well-known composers, with a couple of acknowledged Oscar dramas thrown in.  They generally focus on the 70’s onwards, feeding into John Williams and his stylistic ilk, and a couple other sentimental pop favorites (Marvin Hamlisch’s The Way We Were and “My Heart Will Go On” from Titanic almost always appear, too).  The Cannes selections are far more worldly and much more stylistically intriguing – so many musical gems spanning genres that would otherwise be very difficult to find.  Kudos to the producers who thought of featuring the M*A*S*H title theme followed up by the title theme from Z.  If you ever want a quick sampler of great film music from around the world and across time, this would be a great place to start.


Best re-released score as conducted by someone else: Joel McNeely’s recording of Vertigo, written by the incomparable Bernard Herrmann, finally does justice to one of the most beautiful scores ever written after the original conductor Muir Matheson (curse you, studio musicians’ strike!) butchered.  I’ve written a fair amount about this score previously; though a few minor cues are missing, having an authentic loyal to Herrmann’s vision is far worth it.


Best animated feature: The Hayo Miyazaki-Joe Hisaishi director and composer partnership is easily the best in the film industry, rivaled only by the Alfred Hitchcock-Bernard Herrmann and Steven Spielberg-John Williams pairings.  Joe Hisaishi’s Howl’s Moving Castle is a delightful and charmingly atmospheric score that expresses the conflicts of loyalty in a beautifully understated way, reflective of the characters’ caution in revealing and giving themselves fully to others.  The soaring waltz theme captures the sense of adventure and wonder of the magical world in which Sophie finds herself. 

Runner-up: Michael Giacchino’s Ratatouille.  Giacchino’s strengths lie in his ability to tell a story musically – he recreates the film in the acoustic medium to heighten our understanding of what’s happening onscreen (because otherwise, how would you ever figure out the labyrinthine plot of Alias?  I have a number of entries dedicated to score analysis of a couple of episodes, although most of my score notes are still on post-its.).  The music don’t just heighten emotion or evoke an atmosphere; they are an aural transcription of the story.  Yes, you’ve got a fair number of leitmotifs to represent the characters and certain locations (Remy and Linguini cooking, Linguini and Collette, the rat colony, Gusteau), but what makes them interesting is how they interact with each other as they do in the film.  Giacchino takes great delight in mixing musical pastiches (the “welcome to Gusteau’s” cue at the start of the movie with the Marseilleise leading into a jaunty Left Bank accordion is brilliant), but I confess I still prefer the deeper thematic substance and homage to orchestral jazz that was the Incredibles.


Best movie whose only redeeming feature is the score: John Barry’s The Specialist.  One might be initially wary of the reliance on a predominant theme that characterizes some of Barry’s later works (same scoring approach as the Scarlet Letter) - more of a European approach for a mediocre American would-be blockbuster.  There’s a quietly smoldering anguish in the jazzy notations of recurring refrains of “Did You Call Me.”  As Elmer Bernstein has remarked, very rarely is a film score pure jazz as the spirit of jazz requires improvisation.  Barry’s music is well aware of the stylistic constraints, and the longing we hear is all the more heightened by the fleeting semblance of musical freedom.  The emotional chaos and literal violence (the titular character specializes in explosives) are underlined by a restrained, subtle sense of form that lacks the space to grow.
theladyrose: (Default)
2007-07-08 11:44 pm
Entry tags:

monster mash

Things I learned at the Monster Diversity Leadership:

1. If anything else, make sure that your pants aren't falling down.
2. Sometimes the corporate representatives are actually younger than you. Be glad you find this out after the fact.
3. Girls with dance moves are more likely to win scholarships than girls without.
4. Prejudiced but true - if you can, speak to the older corporate reps because they're more likely to do the actual hiring decisions and have more contacts with those in power.
5. The nerds at Seagate really know how to dance. Or at least you have to give them points for trying.
6. Lockheed Martin apparently has money to burn when it comes to recruting college students.
7. There are fewer acts that will please a crowd of 300 college students than a Princeton student virtually sodomizing a Simon Cowell impersonator to hip hop music.

A more serious summary will probably follow sometime within the next century.