islanded in a stream of stars

"Like a clock whose hands are sweeping past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple whirling silently in space..."

Summer is strange like that; time remains a mystery as a day drags out to months or hours are condensed into seeming seconds. I was rereading a conversation I had with Shirin about time and organized religion, and I miss talking about those things with her even though I'm incredibly stupid about such matters. It doesn't feel to me that two months have passed; I wish that they could continue. The past week has been mysteriously wonderful in a quiet fashion. I was over at Sophia's, and we got to talk about people, and I haven't been able to do that with anyone with whom I feel comfortable enough for ages. And we did all sorts of crazy things like play Simpsons monopoly twice, and sneak out of the house at 3:10 in the morning to go to Safeway to see what it was like, and that walk at twilight. It wasn't as magical as the first spotaneous one by my house, but there still was that element of fanastical dizzying dreaming that was worth every moment. And I got to to go 7-11 and get my first package of chewing gum in literally years. I've been craving it for so long, yet I'm too scared to open the shiny freshly minted pristine package. Rather pathetic, but I don't mind. I think I'll have some on the first day of school and see what happens.

I want to start school again in another month, but I don't really feel prepared at all for being a junior. I'm too irresponsible and small and nowhere near being what I picture a junior or a senior to be. I have to start thinking seriously about what I'll be doing in the future and where I'll be going. I'm still really tempted to go to university...well, I won't say where for now, as I talk about that too much. Well, I don't, but I'm afraid that I'll turn into one of those annoying geeks who are obsessed about being accepted into places with pretentious reputations. And there's so much that I want to do this year without talking to people I'd like to talk to, but I also don't want to disappoint the parents with grades. Eeek. And there's ringer-ringee stuff. I've schemed about what I'm going to do, and I've worked out some of the details. I'm just afraid that no seniors know me well enough or will know me well enough to figure it out, and that they're not going to really like me. I don't know of anyone who probably would want to be rung (ringed?) by me. Funnily enough I think it's going to be easier for me to find someone who will ring me when I'm a senior than the other way around. Baaah. The freshmen are really amusing when they want to be. Overall, I guess that at this point I'm most looking forward to my schedule, music history, and the Return of the Moose movie. I'm pretty sure about what piece of music I'm using, but that's top secret for now unless you ask :P

And then I look at people younger than me and feel old. How is it that I can be sixteen already? I'm positively ancient, even if most of the people I know and talk to are older. I don't really know people who are pretty much the same age as me. Funnily enough I tend to give recommendations and advice to people slightly (or not so slightly in some cases, depending on your conceptions of age) older than me, as if I knew more than them! But they're all lovely.

Today was the last day of my internship, and I want to go back already to the CHC. I really love my co-workers; I honestly can't imagine any other office where I'd like to work. We had a Summer Symphony wrap-up meeting/goodbye me breakfast in the conference room, and they gave me stuff other than my paycheck. Literally, I couldn't speak for about ten seconds. Chocolates, some wilted sweet peas bought at the Farmer's Market last Sunday, three bucks from Linda for each swear word I heard her say (actually, she shorted me a dollar, but I don't really care), a SS tote bag, and the best thing of all: a posterboard. The posterboard has a SS promo poster autographed by Kenny Loggins, yearbook-type messages from each person in the office, a Kenny Loggins onstage photo, two promo postcards, a mini-bio of Kenny Loggins, and two candid pictures of me. In the top one I'm putting on a pair of sunglasses at Command Central, and it's probably the best picture of me taken at least within the last four years, seriously. The expression on my face is rather amusing as I look rather confused. And the bottom one I'm talking to Amber and Hillary, and we're all staring at the back of a golf cart containing staff dinners the night of th concert. Hee hee. I was afraid that someone got a picture of me nearly falling off of the golf cart with Todd driving, but apparently nobody did.

Even Christina was more cordial than her usual icy self. I've learned to multitask better; I've discovered that I'm capable of tying ribbons, filing away papers in a binder, using a hole puncher, laminating things, entering information into a spreadsheet, answering a phone, and flirting in French pretty much at the same time. I can file 200 pieces of paper alphabetically in about twenty minutes max. And this Friday is my last internship meeting, and then it's officially all over. If I'm lucky the office will use me as a volunteer throughout the school year, but it doesn't look like that it will be very often.

A lot has happened within these past few days, and I don't really know where to begin or what I should exactly say.

There was the Kenny Loggins concert on Sunday, the one that I've helped plan for weeks now. It's all over, and I still can't fully grasp the weight of that statement. There will never be another summer symphony quite like it, never another time in my life just like that. The concert itself wasn't as exhilirating as I had expected it to be, but the days leaning up to it...the actions that I had done in preparation, when examined closely, are not so interesting in their own light, but when everything is viewed from the blurred lens of nostalgia the entire experience was most worthwhile. The details, on the whole, are not important. Just looking down at the crowd from the top at command central was...breathtakingly gorgeous. All of that hard work had culminated into the illusion of a sold-out crowd at Frost Ampitheater, a dizzyingly beautiful location for a summer concert. And I was at the top the entire time at command central helping to oversee the action and directing a few people and getting to know some of the volunteers. Inexplicably I had a blast riding the golf carts, thinking that I was about to fall out any minute; it's rather bizzare and difficult to explain the sensation of going uphill in a golf cart on a sticky humid day. Kenny Loggins was an amazing performer, so energetic. I got to sit with Sophia and Sahara at the very top watching, and mooched food off of Thea's mum who was with my parents. There was a minor fiasco with the staff dinners-the grocery store shorted us by 4, so I gave mine to someone else who otherwise wouldn't get one. There was also the accident-an elderly handicapped gent fell and hurt his head. Thankfully we're next Stanford Hospital, there were lots of volunteers, and the paramedics on site knew exactly what to do. The calm, efficient way they handled the situation has only improved my already favorable opinion of the medical profession. I've always trusted and admired doctors.

I listened to NPR for two and a half hours this afternoon as I separated brochures from the concert program. The world manages to remain in a more depressing state than I remembered it to be, but now at least I feel somewhat informed about things along with reading various other publications on a regular basis. There are currently five hundred brochures and programs sitting on the floor in the CHC conference room, and it looks rather...engulfing. And I've only separated three and a half boxes worth of programs and brochures. Oy. There are six more for me to do, but I'm afraid that the programs and brochures will soon take over the building at this rate as I'm starting to take up more than a quarter of the available floor space. Thankfully I don't have to go to work tomorrow as Linda's not going to be there, but Thursday ought to be interesting. I was starting to become slightly hysterical after awhile being all alone with the inventoried stuff, and most of that stuff is alcoholic in nature. We currently have 245 alcoholic beverage containers in that room. Not that I would ever drink any of it, but I probably looked drunkenly hysterical anyway. Why they decided to have a minor inventory all of the leftover beverages, I don't know. I know that someone else double checked my counts, and that this morning I found a lone beer bottle cap on the table. I wonder who drank the missing bottle of Sierra Nevada Summerfest Beer.

Oh, and Lee Kuan Yew's eldest son was just announced as Premier of Singapore yesterday. *coughs* And they say that Lee Kuan Yew isn't in charge of Singapore anymore. For God's sake's the man is the Senior Minister of Singapore, and he's got all of his cronies in the ministries and as the PM. LKY is most definitely still in power, though Mitch-man doesn't think so.

I saw part of Being There that Dad had taped from a few nights ago. I wasn't much of a fan of the beginning, but I grew to like it a lot more. Peter Sellers was marvelously subtle, needless to say. Unfortunately Dad actually trusted the TV guide and didn't tape the last hour or so, so I still don't know what happens to Chauncey Gardener and the president and all of that good stuff. Now I've got to rent the film.

Late at night I tend to reflect on matters a lot, or at around this time of late afternoon and evening. Last night I switched religions again (it sounds like I've just switched majors or something); I'm now back to being an agnostic, instead of being a hard core atheist. I've finally admitted to myself and acknowledged that my reasons for being an atheist aren't very sound, and that really I'm still really undecided about religion. I was very tempted to say, "To hell with organized religion! I don't give a damn anymore." It's too premature in my life to completely throw out the possibility of spiritual faith in God, so I'm keeping my avenues open. In a rather satirical sense my relationship with organized religion is much like most soap opera character's love lives: complicated, troubled, and confusing. But I'm definitely not ready to convert to any faith just yet. I need time to think things over and examine my reasons.

It has just occured to me that the people I've been growing close to lately are all on Vicadin at the moment. Hmmm.

Alas, the SS hotline's been disconnected, so no more prank calls :( And there's no way I can tell anyoe.

I officially need somebody to remind me to finish that project that I've been meaning to write up for the forums; I'm pretty sure Simon would publish it once I submitted it to him. Part of me is wondering if I only feel like finishing it just because of the whole "you're a woman and therefore an idiot" incident. Somebody needs to prod me mentally.

May I say for the record: The moosenapping test is absolutely hilarious. Seriously. And I'm about to add a few others, too, and I made up a fact for Martina which I know is fairly obscure but it's correct. Mwahahaha. I think I'm changing the question about me because I've felt mildly egomaniacal ever since I found out that our assignment for HD is to take personality tests. But I completely disagree that the famous world leader I am most like is Hitler. Gah. I don't like murdering my enemies to brighten my day.

You know, I'm not sure if I feel like giving up the moose now. I'm starting to become rather attached to the little guy ^_^ And I anonymously gave a certain history teacher a panda bear that used to be named Stephanie Marie and is now affectionately dubbed Hugo Travesty (sp?), which translates from German to English as "Hugo the Transvestite." I swear, either Meredith or Sophie came up with that nickname.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why use words when punctuation is infinitely more eloquent?

Because punctuation by itself looks bad. Alas, I am now wondering if I should be more descriptive.

I laugh. I laugh tremendously much. I will be verily surprised if I don't laugh to death. Actually, I wouldn't, because I don't plan on dying anytime soon. Most definitely not.

Does anyone know what Cherubin means in French??????????

I love being vague. When I'm being very clear nobody ever seems to understand what I'm saying.

England in 12 days! Booyeah!

Here's where we're performing:
"We know 2 schools which we will be performing, check out their web pages.
1. Rossall School (all boys) Fleetwood on June 18th, we have been invited to lunch there prior to the performance www.rossallschool.org

2. Rydal Penrhos School (Ms Barker's mother taught Math there when it was a girls only - Penrhos College) in Colwyn Bay on June 23rd
www.rydal- penrhos.com

3. All Hallows near The Tower of London (where Henry VIII) got rid of some of his wives.

4. York performance will be forthcoming."

OMG. We know where we're going! And we're going to Colwyn Bay!!!!!!!!!!!! If it's not extremely obvious why I'm so interested in Colwyn Bay, then it'd be way too hard to explain ^_^.