For the record, I forgot to mention this before but my advisor is the APUSH teacher. Yay, my first choice!
One of the things that I've grown to appreciate about Harvard is that I don't feel any need to disguise my stupidity with my usual pretentious rationalizations. There will always be people much more brilliant than you (the majority of those I know) and people much dumber than you. I've been amazed by the sheer number of idiots I've come across who have managed to get in some how who manage to screw themselves over with smoking and drugs and other crap and still do fine. This isn't to imply that I except myself from the idiot category, but some of the other Harvard students have gone amazingly wild. I don't exactly plan on going on a self-destructive streak anytime soon, but if these people can turn out relatively fine then I should, too. Right? I've only begun to realize that I can actually have an active social life and still do reasonably well. And here, there aren't any more self-placed censors. I don't think I've quite realized in how much of a bubble I've been for so long.
Going back to high school: what really pisses me off about my schedule is that I have very few classes with anyone. This will probably mean I'll spend lots of time with people who are in some ways still strangers to me. This is senior year, and I'm practically estranged from all of my friends. This is going to be the last time we're seeing everyone together; I've known you guys for at least four years or more. What I'm most afraid of is leaving high school and thinking, "I don't really miss anyone because I never really got the chance to know them/we drifted apart." I want something better than this. I've only just begun to realize how much I've lost out on working so much. It's not that I don't like learning; it's that I'm tired of having to place personal relations outside of family as a secondary priority. My friends deserve better than this; I deserve better than this. Yay for my weak attempts at self-actualization!
People really need to hear this really nifty French song to which gandydancer
introduced me even though you all don't know French. If you go to this awesome French group's website
, click on Albums, and then on the album cover fourth from the top or bottom, you'll see "C'est Plus Pareil." I have to go find this album to actually buy now.